When you become a parent there are so many things that you are already thinking about that sometimes you do not think about how you will parent them once they are older, to instill values, respect, and other things into them. Recently I found out that there are four different types of parenting – authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. I don’t know enough about these to sit here and write a blog, so I wanted to do some research. I found the following information on the National Center for Biotechnology Information’s website. Let’s dive into what these mean and how they have impacts on your children.
What are they?
An authoritarian parent is one who “tends to have a one-way mode of communication where the parent establishes strict rules that the child obeys. There is little to no room for negotiations from the child, and the rules are not usually explained. They expect their children to uphold these standards while making no errors. Mistakes usually lead to punishment. Authoritarian parents are normally less nurturing and have high expectations with limited flexibility.”
An authoritative parent “normally develops a close, nurturing relationship with their children. They have clear guidelines for their expectations and explain their reasons associated with disciplinary actions. Disciplinary methods are used as a way of support instead of punishment. Not only can children have input into goals and expectations, but there are also frequent and appropriate levels of communication between the parent and their child. In general, this parenting style leads to the healthiest outcomes for children but requires a lot of patience and effort on both parties.”
“Permissive parents tend to be warm, nurturing and usually have minimal or no expectations. They impose limited rules on their children. Communication remains open, but parents allow their children to figure things out for themselves. These low levels of expectation usually result in rare uses of discipline. They act more like friends than parents.”
Last but not least, in an uninvolved parenting household “children are given a lot of freedom as this type of parent normally stays out of the way. They fulfill the child’s basic needs while generally remaining detached from their child’s life. An uninvolved parent does not utilize a particular disciplining style and has a limited amount of communication with their child. They tend to offer a low amount of nurturing while having either few or no expectations of their children.”
What about the kids?
There is so much information to take in in regard to our children and these parenting styles. I definitely see pros and cons to each of them. How a child perceives the way they were/are raised will differ from child to child and the bond they have with their parents.
This website says that “children that grow up with authoritarian parents will usually be the most well-behaved in the room because of the consequences of misbehaving. Additionally, they are better able to adhere to the precise instructions required to reach a goal. Furthermore, this parenting style can result in children who have higher levels of aggression but may also be shy, socially inept, and unable to make their own decisions.” You always hear that when parents are super strict it gives children more fuel to do the wrong thing. I can definitely see where this type of parenting would lead to that.
Children of an authoritative household are generally “confident, responsible, and able to self-regulate” because of the nurturing relationship they have with their parents. Allowing them to help with decisions while they are younger/growing can model great decision making for when they are older.
With a permissive household you will see children who have “unhealthy eating habits, too much freedom which lead to other negative habits as the parent does not provide much guidance on moderation, and these children can be impulsive, demanding, selfish, and lack self-regulation.”
A child that came from a household with uninvolved parents are “usually resilient and may even be more self-sufficient than children with other types of upbringing, however, these skills are developed out of necessity.” From lack of parenting they have no choice but to figure things out themselves and grow up faster. You might see children with trouble “controlling their emotions, less effective coping strategies, may have academic challenges, and difficulty with maintaining or nurturing social relationships” because they do not see any of these modeled at home.
What am I?
I never knew the name for the type of parenting I am but after researching these four I would definitely say I am a mix of permissive and authoritative but when I am overwhelmed or dealing with a lot of anxiety I definitely see some authoritarian come out. I am not proud of this, at all. My anxiety comes out in frustration and this is something I have been trying to work on bettering for a while. I want to continue to do more research and figure out something that works for me in terms of being a better mom. I don’t want kids that have trauma from their childhood to deal with. I want them to know that I fully support them, I will always listen, etc. with better and more effective ways to handle their behaviors.
Which type are you? Let me know in the comments.