As if being a new mother isn’t hard enough we now have the whole internet telling us how to parent. It can drive you insane and sort of freak you out. You get to googling what a couple little things mean and then people will tell you that you’re the wrong kind of mom.
For this post I, along with a guest blogger, will be discussing a couple of controversial views that we believe in and the shame that we, or others who believe the same, have gone through.
First and foremost, I believe that fed is best. If you decide to breastfeed, good for you! If you decide to formula feed, good for you as well! Your child is being fed and that’s the most important. When I had my oldest I tried breastfeeding but was completely ignorant to all that went along with it so I dried up pretty quick and didn’t know that I could take supplements to help increase my supply so I immediately went to formula. When I got pregnant with my second I made the decision to do more research and ASK questions that I had about breastfeeding. When S was around 6 weeks old she wasn’t getting full anymore and I was having to supplement. So I asked around to see what I could do and I read a lot of mommy blogs about how they increased or maintained their supply. I tried vitamins, lactation cookies, mothers milk tea, etc. It helped some but not enough so I was still having to supplement. When I went back to work my supply all but disappeared. I walked into a stressful environment and chaos was spilled from the seams. Needless to say I had to formula feed her from there on out as well. My third was both breastfed and formula fed, too. Now, with that being said.. I don’t believe that either is better than the other. I wanted to breastfeed because that was a decision that I had made for myself and my kids.. but I can’t judge others or decisions they make concerning their kids.
Secondly, whether or not you have your kids via c-section or vaginally, YOU DID AMAZING! I had all three of my kids vaginally – two with an epidural and one without. In MY experience my labor and delivery was MUCH smoother without the epidural but I can’t apply my experience to everyone else’s. Also, I don’t believe that having a c-section is the easy way out.. and I also don’t think that a c-section should be done for the moms convenience. There’s so many people that shame moms for getting an epidural or say that moms who have c-sections aren’t real moms. Both of which are fucking bullshit. If you decide to have an all natural birth, in a hospital or at home, that’s your decisions that you made. Let everyone else make that decision for themselves. Another thing related to this is home birth vs hospital birth. Again, a decision to be made by the mom (and significant other if applicable) and no one else, including you.
Next in line.. sleeping arrangements. All three of my children have bed shared with us but now they sleep in their own beds in their own room. I think that bed sharing or co-sleeping is something that is beneficial for the children and some see it as creating attachment issues.. both of which are fine viewpoints. I’ve been judged because I have let my kids sleep with my husband and I. “It’s weird.” “You’re going to create problems later in life.” “They’re going to be so attached to y’all that you won’t be able to ever get away.” To each their own, but none of those are true in reference to my kids. All of my kids have gone through their stages of separation anxiety but I don’t believe that it stems from them sleeping with us. I think that it is something most kids go through, whether they have bed shared or not.
The last two that I am going to talk about are gender neutrality and electronics for kids. These are two areas that I find I get the most judgment or shame about.
My oldest is a 100% tomboy and my husband and I roll with it. She wears boy clothes, boy shoes, and plays with boy toys. I use the term ‘boy’ lightly because I think when it comes to children we need to let them be themselves and that there are no gender lines when it comes to toys and such. I’ve heard everything from “She is going to grow up gay.” to “What you’re doing is child abuse.” I hardly think that allowing her to be herself in whatever way she chooses is child abuse, but okay.. whatever you say. I don’t think that she will be gay solely because she wears boy clothes and plays with boy toys. If she is gay, it’s who she is.. not because of what she wore or played with growing up.
As far as electronics are concerned I think there is a time and place for them. Each of my girls have a tablet or some type of electronic device. They have limits, both time and content looked at, and they don’t use it from sun up to sun down. I’ve been judged saying that I am corrupting my kids. Eh, if that’s what you think so be it. I think that having electronic time is beneficial to kids and when done so in a timely manner that it can help them a lot. We live in a time where technology is a HUGE part of our everyday lives. They have a variety of apps from learning to fun. When we are out to eat I have been ‘that mom’ who has pulled out the kids tablet or my phone to keep them quiet while waiting on food or after they’ve finished. Go ahead, judge me. If you don’t like your kids having electronics then don’t buy them for them. Simple as that.
I almost forgot the most recent parenting decision we have made that we have been hella judged for – homeschooling. I’m “making my children into weird social outcasts” and “not allowing them to learn to their full potential.” Homeshcooling is not for everyone, I will admit that. It’s a lot of work and can be very overwhelming. My kids are not weird, they are not outcasts, and they do well with their learning. My oldest daughter ALWAYS kicks ass on her end of year assessment test, scoring way over average on all subjects.. so I hardly think that I am hindering her learning. This year is Sophia’s first year taking the test, but I know she will kick ass, too.
Now that you have read mine, take a peek at some of the controversial issues regarding parenting that my guest blogger has come face to face with.
Now a days there are “types of moms” you have to sort of brand yourself or others will do it for you; crunchy, scrunchy, soggy? It’s incredibly stressful and never-ending.. I have no clue what type of mom I am, I just like to do what I feel is right and what will show my daughter how to be a good kindhearted person. Not that I am the greatest person ever I just hope to be the best I can for my daughter. Between Instagram and Pinterest some people make being a mother look its a breeze when in reality it’s hard. I will never understand how other mothers will bash and talk about a the way someone parents when we all know how bad it feels. Lets all work together and build each other up, the bullying needs to stop.
There’s so many “controversial” opinions now a days; Cloth vs disposables, breastfeeding vs formula, feeding a baby in public, attachment parenting and the amount of arguing that goes with these topics (from people who don’t even have kids I might add). People are pressuring mothers to breast feed but will flip out when it’s done in public, and don’t you dare even think about using formula. If you stay at home you have nothing going for you, if you go to work you don’t care enough about your kids. This is me saying as mothers we are sick of it! Let us decide for ourselves, let us enjoy motherhood without the entire world telling us how to parent OUR children. This is my message to you mammas; You are the perfect mother for your child and that’s why you have them, you are exactly what your baby needs.
Thanks for reading and comment below any controversial issues you’ve dealt with as a parent.