***This post will have some pretty gross stuff that is related to pregnancy and postpartum recovery and healing. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.***
So, this was definitely meant to be a 3 month postpartum and baby update but we are now closer to 4 months than 3.. so let’s just go with that.
There have been a lot of differences with this postpartum than I have experienced with my other two. For starters, the obvious difference is recovering from my tubal which was rough for the first monthish. After about two weeks it was a lot easier to get up, move around, take care of Ellie and the other girls, and everything else. Just about 6 weeks after I had Ellie the glue fell off and the scar looks amazing. Once my belly button goes back to normal I don’t think you’ll actually be able to see it much.
Another difference with her postpartum recovery was the bleeding. With Autumn I bled for just about 6 weeks, which is pretty normal. With Sophia I bled for 11 weeks, which is not normal but not unheard of apparently. Come to find out they did not get all of my placenta with her which caused me to bleed longer. With Ellie I was completely done bleeding 3 weeks postpartum. I was shocked. I definitely expected to bleed longer since I now had two other kids to take care of, homeschooling, and everything else and overdoing it can cause you to bleed longer or take you longer to heal.
One of the other big differences I have had this time is my mental health. This is a sensitive subject for me because even though anxiety and depression are not new to me the postpartum aspect of it and having it on top of my regular pregnancy hormones has been really tough. I noticed something was different with my anxiety the first time I left Ellie with someone. I left her with my husband and just ran to the grocery store which is about 20 minutes away so it wasn’t even a long trip. The whole time I was gone was one huge panic attack. I have never had any reason to believe that he would do anything to harm any of our kids or just not care for them. This started immediately after we brought her home but I just threw it aside as being normal post baby worries. I wasn’t getting any sleep because as soon as I’d close my eyes I’d have thoughts of her not breathing, her choking, I wouldn’t hear her, etc. So on top of my normal fatigue that being a mom has I wasn’t sleeping. This made everything else much harder as well. I didn’t want anyone else caring for her because obviously no one can care for her like I can (sarcasm). It also made being a mom a lot harder. I was losing my shit way more than I’d like to admit, over the smallest things. It was heartbreaking and I hated it.
These were constant thoughts I had. I went from blaming it on normal mom worries to blaming it on the fact that she was definitely my last and I was extra worried about anything happening. Thinking back that doesn’t make any sense to me now but hey, putting the blame somewhere made more sense to me than me having even more mental health issues. At my six week postpartum appointment I finally decided it was time to talk to someone. I explained to my OB what was going on and she told me a couple options that I had. I decided it was best for me, and my family, for me to go on medication. She also gave me a list of therapy options for me in the area if I ever felt I needed that on top of my medication. Being someone who needed medication was something that I had a lot of problems working through. I felt incompetent as a human, a mom, because I couldn’t manage my anxiety on my own.
I’ve now been on my meds for 10 weeks and it’s helped so much! I still have days where I have trouble and get worked up over nothing, however, it was everyday all day before my medication so it’s so much better for all of us. I feel better as a mom. I feel like I’m more and more capable of being a mom of 3 as each day passes. Being a great mom is always something I’ve strived to be so feeling the way I did before I got up the courage to talk to someone killed me. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for my kids, my husband, anyone. It’s not a good feeling to have and I encourage anyone who’s having these problems to please talk to someone about it! Don’t be ashamed of needing medication or therapy/counseling. Do what’s best for you, even if it means you need help!
Ellie was born 3 weeks early which meant that she was born about a month before our homeschool year was scheduled to start. Thankfully she was completely healthy despite being born early and this gave me enough time to heal before the stress of school started. Before I had her I set down and planned out our first whole month of school so that it wouldn’t be so stressful with a newborn. She was due about a week before school started so I wanted to be as prepared as I could. I gave birth to her in the middle of one of my terms but was able to get everything done, surprisingly. How.. I don’t know. I really don’t. I just did it. I guess because I had to.
She’s doing amazing! She hasn’t gone to her 4 month check-up yet (It’s next week) so I’m not sure how much she currently weighs but at her 2 month check-up she was 9 pounds 1 ounce. She was 6 pounds 3 ounces at birth and fell a little below her curve for weight and even though the pediatrician wasn’t too concerned it made me feel like shit. This is what started my mental issues with breastfeeding – feeling like I wasn’t good enough because obviously I was not doing the best for her since she wasn’t gaining like she should.
I breastfed for 3 months and now we are completely on formula. Breastfeeding was hard for me. I kept having issues with my supply and it was causing me even more problems with my mental health. I fought for as long as I could and I’m proud of what I could do. I was scared to blog about this, honestly, because of all of the judgment placed on moms who formula feed their babies but you know what… she’s fed and growing. So I don’t even care. Fed is best. And guess what, she’s eating amazing!
She is in 0-3 month clothing and is actually starting to be too long for some of them already. 😭 She hates tummy time on a mat/floor/bed but she will lay on your chest on her tummy all day long. She’s kinda iffy on her swing but loves both her rock and play and her sit me up chair! She loves sitting in her chair watching her dad play his racing games! She smiles every time anyone talks to her. She’s starting to talk a lot more which I love! She will hold a conversation with you now! She generally only cries when she’s hungry, wet/poopy, or tired. She’s a pretty happy baby otherwise! She will only take one paci for long periods of time.. others she will take but spits out within a few minutes. We only have one of the paci she will take so I think Santa will be bringing her more! It’ll be good for my sanity! 😂
She is sleeping pretty good at night. She eats at around 9-9:30 and then goes to sleep. She will wake up around 1-3 to eat then again at 5-6. She is up for the day around 9:30-10 and takes two naps during the day. Some nights she sleeps for 6+ hours between feeds which I am always thankful for! She’s eating really well! She does 5oz every 4 hours during the day and at night she eats 5oz when she wakes.
I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about our updates! If you have any questions leave them in the comments below!
Until next time…
xoxo
lena ralene 